A Woman’s Guide to Choosing the Right Sex Toy

By jen | Sex Toys

Sex toys can be an important part of overall sexual satisfaction and wellness in life.  But, there are so many different toys and options available that the adult toy world can be a complicated place to start browsing

For the average woman, it can be a little difficult to understand where to start.

But don’t worry our guide will help you get started and you will soon be confidently going about choosing exactly the right toy for you!

First off, we are passionate about woman buying safe non-toxic toys.  The quality of the materials matter and we will only be recommending body safe toys.  There might be inexpensive options available for some of them made of cheaper materials, but we believe the possible health dangers aren’t worth the little bit of savings.

Some people believe that using a condom on a cheaper product is a way to protect themselves from any possible harmful effects inferior materials cause to them.  This isn’t a good idea! First of all it’s going to cost you a lot more in the long run just buying condoms for your toys. More importantly though the oils found in those toys are destructive to condoms, and cause them to be ineffective.

Unless we link to a specific item on Amazon, we don’t recommend using Amazon for buying your sex toys.  Amazon is great for a lot of things, but for adult toys there are a lot of inexpensive fake versions of toys, and misguided information about the quality of the toys being sold.  If we do recommend something from Amazon, you can trust us that we have done research into knowing that the toy we are recommending is being sold by both a trusted company and a trusted seller.

Also, make sure to educate yourself about what lubes work best for different toys and if there are any cleaners recommended for what you use to bring yourself pleasure.  We want you and your toys to be healthy for a long time!

With all of those things out of the way, keep reading to learn more about choosing some toys to bring much more pleasure into your life!

Best Sex Toys for Beginners

If you are new to using sex toys you might be asking:

"I never ever tried sex toys before, how can I understand what'll work for me?"

This is a great question to ask, but it’s not something you should worry about.  With the right information you will have a great idea of what will work for you!

Not knowing where to start causes a lot of women to aimlessly purchase a number of toys, never sure if what they are buying is what they are really looking for. 

While this method can possibly lead to a serendipity discovery of unexpected pleasure, it can also end up being quite expensive as you buy toy after toy that doesn’t quite hit that right spot for you, and who knows what kind of quality you will be buying while going this route.

Unfortunatetly, this will cause some women to even be turned off on the idea of sex toys, which is a shame that they are depriving themselves of some great orgasms just because they have bought the wrong products in the past!

The best place to start when deciding on your first (or any) sex toy is from your own experience with masturbation and sex.

Be honest, no one is judging you!

What is your go-to way of enjoying yourself when you are masturbating or with a partner?

Do you focus mostly on your clitoris? 

Do you enjoy penetration? Or is it something you find an uncomfortable but necessary part of having sex? 

If you’re into men do you like them to be on the squishy side?  Very Hard? Do you have a preferred size and width

Do you like penetration, but prefer a more hands on approach when it comes to your clitoris? 


Is it best for you when you get have maximum stimulation to your g-spot and clit at the same time?

Be honest with yourself, and what your best experiences have been.  It’s all about what you and your body find pleasurable and everyone can be different!

All these questions ought to lead you towards a much better understanding of what you may be looking for in regards to functions, size, and feel.

If you are having trouble answering these questions don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed.  Lots of women haven’t discovered what exactly works best for them yet. Maybe you haven’t had a lot of positive experiences with sex or masturbation in the past.  That’s ok! It’s time to start discovering the wonderful pleasures that you can have.

That is why you are here anyway!

In this case, you might want to consider a toy that is versatile enough to offer you an idea of what you might like without breaking costing a lot. 

There is nothing worse than paying hundreds of dollars for a toy that you end up using once and then never using again.

Vibrating Bullets - A Good Toy For Beginners

For complete beginners, what we generally suggest is a decent cheap vibrating bullet like the Vooom.  These are perfect if you are like most women who require some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.

Basic bullet vibrators don’t cost very much.  No matter what your experience level with sex toys, they will do their job very well, but for the beginner they are not intimidating at all. 

They are small and discreet, and can be fun to play with while you are alone or with a partner for added stimulation during sex.

The Vooom has what we consider to be an average amount of power.  If it’s not quite right for you, you should have a good idea if you are looking for less vibration or more.  If it leaves you wanting for more power, something like the Tango will probably work much better for you.

G-Spot Toys - Learning What You Like In A Sex Toy

Another fantastic alternative, for those who are a little more courageous or have a bit more cash to invest, is a quality vibrating G-spot toy.  The cute little curved Gigi 2 is a good place to start, or the slightly more expensive but more effective Sola Cue is what we would recommend.

Because they all vibrate, you'll be able to utilize them externally like a mini-wand.

This will let you experiment and discover if you enjoy external as well as internal vibrations all at once.  And if you do not, you can shut off the vibrations and use them like any other G-spot toy.

We recommend the Sola Cue for someone who has no idea where to get started.  The versatility of the toy will allow you to discover what you like most, and if you are still looking for more excitement you will really know what to look for that meets your requirements better for your next toy!

Best Sex Toys For External Use

Not all sex toys are made for penetration.  And not all women are looking for toys that they have to thrust into themselves.

While these toys are generally created for the clitoris, you might also find them pleasurable to use on your nipples, or on the sensitive nerve endings around your butt.

But if you do choose to use them around your back door, make sure you clean them completely prior to getting them anywhere near your lady bits again.

Bullet Vibes - Small In Size But Oh So Pleasurable

Bullet Vibes are very versatile, and, as discussed above, are typically terrific toys for starting out.

They can be utilized on their own or along with another toy for penetration.  Or while you are having sex to give more stimulation to your clitoris during love making.

The Tango by We-Vibe we consider the best around because it is powerful and delivers some of the best orgasms from a bullet vibe that we have found. 

However if you are more sensitive to vibrations, you might find more than the first couple of levels to be too much for you.  If this sounds like you, we would recommend the Vooom by Screaming-O.

If direct contact with the clitoris is uncomfortable to you, nothing stops you from using these vibes over clothing or near but not on the clit.  You can experiment with exactly where feels best for you!

But if you are definitely looking for something that vibrates around but not on the clitoris, a toy like JimmyJane's Form 2 would be perfect for you, since it doesn’t involve direct clitoral stimulation.

Wands - You Will Think They Are Magic When You Try Them

Wands are for females who are less into pinpoint stimulation and more about raw power.

So if a bullet vibe like the Tango isn't enough for you, a wand might be what you are looking for!

They're much bigger than a lot of other sex toys thanks to their larger motors.

The most popular choice is, of course, the Magic Wand, which seems to have become the go to name when anyone is talking about wands.  ALL WANDS AREN’T MAGIC WANDS.

They come in a variety of models, from the inexpensive classic version up to new rechargeable models that come with extra features.

You can also add to the Magic Wand with the accessories they offer, you can customize and virtually turn your magic wand into all kinds of sex toys through the options they have available. 

When it comes to versatility the Magic Wand has very few competitors.

If you live outside of North America, you may have to settle for one of the competitor wands, since Magic Wand seems to only make their products with cords that can be plugged in in North America.

Suction Toys - Increasing Your Sensitivity

Lastly, suction toys are a more recent addition to toys that focus on the clitoris.  In recent years they have been becoming more and more popular.

They use a gentle suction on the clitoris, to bring more blood in to it and making the clitoris more sensitive. When you mix the increased sensitivity from a suction device with the vibrations of another toy, the results can be earth shattering for some women!

Womanizer was the first suction toy to gain popularity.  Since then there have been lots of imitators, but we still recommend  the Womanizer as the best suction toy available. 

If you are looking for a suction toy, we recommend the Womanizer Classic, it’s very sleek looking, and does an amazing job at making the clitoris more sensitive.  It also has it’s own rumbling vibrations that are much quieter than previous models. This toy can be a lot of fun for women looking for direct stimulation to their clit.

Choosing a Sex Toy for Penetration

These sex toys meant for penetration and can be used for vaginal stimulation.  If you are looking to use them anally make sure they have some kind of base to them, either a base, or stimulated testicles.  You don’t want to be that person who has to go the emergency room, right?

We have said it above, but it’s worth repeating, don’t double dip with toys.  If you have used any toy anally, make sure you clean it well before putting it anywhere near your vagina. 

Getting a UTI or yeast infection is not worth it!

Vibrating models of toys used for penetration can make them even more versatile, and will allow them to be used both internally and externally for pleasure.

Choosing Your First Dildo

Dildos come in all sorts of shapes, colors, and sizes.

So whether you're trying to find a dildo that'll look like a genuine cock or something a little less phallic, there's bound to be something for you.

And if you are a  size queen there are a variety large body-safe dildos now available, where in the past many of the larger dildos were unsafe jelly dildos or made of latex.

And because a lot of dildos come have a base or testicles, most of them you can use for strap-on play, too. 

Hands Free Dildo Play

Some dildos also come equipped with suction cup bases that make using them totally hands-free.  These can be best for a more feeling natural experience while masturbating (really losing yourself in the moment!) while also being excellent for playing out fantasies of threesomes with a partner.

They likewise sell bases like the TOM V2 and the Love Arc to offer you more choices and angles when it comes to placing and using your suction cup dildos.

However if your favorite dildo does not come equipped with a suction cup, not all is lost there are still options available to you if you want to try mounting your toy.

Most dildos can be used on a wide range of gadgets like the toy mounts from Liberator.

And while the Vac-U-Lock system is what is normally found on sex machines, the majority of the full-size devices have optional universal toy holders that will allow you to attach any dildo with a base to them.

Although being more pricey, another excellent option for a more natural toy experience is using something like the Insert Facilitator Torso to give you dildo and experience a more ‘life-like’ experience (although for some this might be moving in the realm of creepy, but to each their own!)

Custom Dildos

If you are worried about not finding the exact sized and shaped dildo for you, you an always make your own.  There are kits that will allow you to make a replica of your lovers penis, for when you have that special someone who has exactly the right size and shape to hit all your right spots!

Toys For Your G-Spot

Not just will G-spot toys make finding and stimulating the G-Spot much easier, they can be much more comfortable and easier than using your own hand.  Although they may have a larger learning curve than some other toys, they're well worth it for those with the patience to find how to use these toys best on themselves.

Because of their curved heads, these toys aren't used for normal penetration. The prying motions and rhythmical pressure is what they are best at, and turns out it's what G-spots respond best to!

In a way, the more difficult the G-Spot Toy is to initially learn and use, the more intense the G-spot stimulation will be.  You can find G-Spot toys made of many non-traditional materials like stone, wood, glass, and stainless steel.

But if you 'd rather have a G-spot toy that'll still work for penetration, softer products will be much better.  If this is the case for you, you need to check out the economical dual-density Tru Curve along with the NYTC Pack-and-Play toys.

Vibrating G-Spot toys are one of our favorite types of toys when it comes to external stimulation.

The shape of the toys allow you to comfortably hold them like mini wands during clitoral stimulation.

One of the drawbacks of vibrating bullets is that your fingers can go numb when you attempt to hold them for extended amounts of time.  We’ve never found this problem while using a g-spot toy for clitoral stimulation!

If this sounds like something you’d like in a toy, we recommend the Rave by We-vibe for it’s amazing verstality.  We’ve also found that they are good at stimulating a guy’s prostate, but since they don’t have a stopper or base, we recommend that if you are going to use it as a unisex toy that you do so with caution (and clean it in between each partner using it!)

Anal Sex Toys

If you're feeling a bit more adventurous, anal sex toys can be a lot of fun to play with.

You can be used to train yourself to be more comfortable with anal sex but they're also fantastic to use while using another toy for clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration.

For those who are just starting with anal sex, you might want to purchase a set of butt plugs that have gradual increases in size.  This will allow you to get comfortable with the feeling of having something in your booty, and let you work up to larger sizes. This is especially good if you are looking to have anal sex with a partner.

And if you want to feel a little naughty during the day there are butt plugs that are comfortable and secure enough that you can wear them throughout the day without anyone knowing!  For even more adventurous public play, there are even some models that can be triggered to vibrate by yourself or a partner from smart phone apps.

We recommend the Robo Rimmer, if you are looking for a cordless virbratin toy for anal sensations. The Robo Rimmer vibrates and has a rotating head, along with rotating beads on its base that causes a unique and intense rimming sensation.

If you don’t want to buy a seperate toy just for anal play, any dildo with a base you can use.  Just make sure that you use enough lube to comfortably insert the dildo, and clean it well after using it for anal play.

Double Duty Toys - Toys that Stimulate More Than One Spot

Often referred to as "Rabbits", the toys stimulate internally and externally at the same time.

While this may seem like an appealing idea, they're some of the trickiest sex toys to recommend since it's every woman’s anatomy and preferences are unique.

These are difficult to recommend to someone first off because they come in a number of shapes.  Different women will prefer different lengths and widths, but also some might prefer strong internal vibrations and more subtle ones on their clitoris, vice versa, and the is such a wide variety of rabbit vibrators available that it’s impossible to make a universal recommendation.

So these toys can require a lot of experimentation before you can arrive on the best dual stimulator for your body.  We would recommend that you start out with other toys and learn exactly what you like in those toys, and then look for a rabbit device that meets those criteria!

For the most part, it might be better to use separate toys like a bullet vibe and a dildo/g-spot toy.  But if you don’t want to use two toys, or you’d like to have a hand free to do other things while pleasuring yourself, then a rabbit could be a great choice.

If you wish to avoid buying a lots of toys prior to landing on the right one, they do make a few alternatives work for a wide variety of women like Nova by We-Vibe.

Otherwise, you we recommend having a fair amount of experience with toys and your own body and read a lot of reviews prior to buying any of these sex toys.  

See Our Rabbit Vibrator Reviews and Recommendations

Choosing the Best Sex Toys for Couples

Practically all sex toys work well with couples.  They can be used to add pleasure to you and your partner, or they can be used to spice up the fantasy element of love making. 

For example, Bullet Vibes are really easy to use while having sex because they're small enough to add some extra clitoral stimulation.

But some toys are more geared towards couple play than solo use.  So in this part, we will explore options that make sex with someone else a bit more interesting, might it be in the bed room, in public or even if you are having a long distance relationship!

Sex Toys for Heterosexual Couples

If you're in a relationship with a guy, initially you ought to get acquainted with male toys, specifically when it concerns masturbators and prostate massagers.  They can make fun presents to give to the man in your life, but they are also fun to use together for some extra pleasure, or if you need to take a rest and he is still ready to go.

Cock rings can help him maintain thicker, fuller and longer erections during sex.  Even if he has no problem performing a cock ring can make his erections even more satisfying, especially if you prefer harder men to the squishy feel.

Vibrating cock rings can also give some additional stimulation on the clitoris and the shaft of his penis. Our favorite choices for that purpose are the low-cost Charged Cock Rings by Screaming-O in or the more expensive but more powerful Atom & Atom Plus by Hot Octopuss.

Wireless Sex Toys for Couples

Wireless sex toys can also be a lot of fun to play with.  They can be used for one on one play at home, at longer distances like when your partner is out shopping or at work, or for long distance relationships.  It can add a level of fun and mischievousness to a relationship, and even a feeling of intimacy to a cross country relationship.

The most popular option being the We-Vibe Sync, a very versatile toy for couples that can be used during sex for some extra sensation on the clit, g-spot, or your partners penis.  Given that it hugs the clitoris and G-spot, it's also a ton of fun to wear outside of your home for some discreet public play.

If you're in a far away relationship, there's also been some significant enhancements in tele-dildonics, making it possible to have stimulated penetrative sex, even when you are not with your partner.  Our favorite option for this is using the Kiiroo dildos along with a Fleshlight Launch. This will allow you to take the motions of your dildo and send them to his Fleshlight Launch, replicating every movement of your dildo to stimulation on his penis.

You're not limited to anal or vaginal penetration either because you can even replicate blow jobs and hand jobs with this device.

And if you 'd rather have the male in control of the motions, you might also invest in the Shockspot along with a Fleshlight with the V-Stroker attachment.  It’s an option that is a lot more expensive, but if you want him to be in control it’s one of the only ways for this to happen remotely right now.

Otherwise, the Cowgirl, a modernization of the Sybian, can also be controlled from any distance.

However this can only be controlled by an app, and not from the movements of another toy, so the effect will be different, although still a lot of fun and pleasurable.

Getting a Little Less Vanilla - Beginner BDSM for Couples

For those with a taste of whips and chains and/ or getting a little rough or tied up there's no shortage of great things in that department either.

Lately, Restraints & Impact Toys have become more commonplace among couples (Thanks 50 Shades!)  So even if you just like to occasionally dabble in kinkier side of sex and don’t want to dive into the whole BDSM lifestyle there are lots of options for you!

Sex furniture is an excellent option to bring things to the next level and add more variety to the positions you can have sex in a little easier.

Liberator makes some great accessories like waterproof throes and wedges that will keep your bed linen tidy while supplying better angles for penetration and G-spot (or prostate) stimulation.

But if you're ready to invest a little bit more, there's almost no limit to what can be done from the convenience of your own home.

If your man enjoys anal stimulation, there's no scarcity of choices for you either. There are some great hands-free prostate toys that he could wear throughout sex. And if he's into it, high quality pegging gear will give you both many pleasurable nights.

It's likewise not unusual for couples to enjoy threesome fantasies without necessarily wishing to invite another person over. If it is the case for you, all the toy holders and the suction cup dildos described in the dildo area are good options. There are also holders for masturbators available too in case you get off on seeing your guy pleasuring himself!

Sex machines, sex dolls, and torsos are also all terrific alternatives for that purpose.

A Guide To Toys For Lesbian Couples

Things are a little simpler for lesbians given that all the toys talked about in this list are fantastic alternatives for both of you.

But if you 'd rather keep your hands totally free for more crucial things, you ought to take a look at some hands-free sex toys also.

Also, prior to using the same toy on each other, it's very important that you completely sanitize them by either boiling them or applying a 10% bleach water solution over them followed by a good rinse.

Naturally, this will only deal with non-porous products like Silicon, Glass, and Stainless-Steel.

And if you both know that you are clean of any STD’s then this step can usually be safely skipped, unless any anal play is involved, and then we would recommend cleaning your toys well.

Of course, strap-ons and double dildos are also popular options for those who enjoy some penetration.

There are also double ended dildos for women who would rather experience more clitoral stimulation rather than just penetration.

And if you are looking for a strap-on we recommend the Sili Saddle. It’s a high quality harness, but it also has a little bit of extra padding that will safeguard your mons during particularly energetic play.

If you're looking for some strap-on compatible dildos, nearly all of the toys in our dildo lists will work. All you need is an excellent base and the ideal size of O-Rings.

Sex furniture will also make some angles simpler and more comfortable to deal with while raising the hips in such a way that'll better target the G-spot.

And, in our lesbian couples toys guide, we also describe some good wireless toys that are fun to use outside of your home, in the bedroom and even across long distances. They're can also be used under a strap-on for some extra stimulation for the top, and allow the bottom to control the vibrations to make the experience a little less one-sided.

Conclusion - Choosing the Right Sex Toy Should be Fun

We hope that you have found our guide helpful.  If you are looking for more detailed information we have other guides that go much more in depth for particular types of toys and more recommendations.  Now go and add more pleasure to your life!

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